Today is April 22nd. my husband is tormenting me. I lost my job 2 weeks ago (through downsizing) and without it, I am trapped. Here in Illinois, nobody helps abused and neglected women or their kids. You have to be on the brink of death or worse, apparently dead, for anyone to help you.
I haven't had a decent meal in YEARS. My stomach is ALWAYS growing, ot the point of utter embarrassment. I avoid outings and social events because of it. He screams at me all the time. The fights are so bad, that medicine cannot even clear up my symptoms of sore throat, etc anymore. My family is ignorant and wouldn't help me if he had a knife to my throat in front of them, they are the "all for themselves" type. I also have heart problems and am not supposed to be upset (???) so as to avoid aggravating the condition. I am at my wit's end. I honestly wish when the ceiling fell that it would have killed me. I would have been better off, because to suffer like this, is not living at all.
I am going in Thursday for my eye exam, to find out to what extent my retinas have detached with my eyes. I am ALL ALONE. I have never felt so worthless, or depressed. There is really no hope. I have tried every resource I can here in Illinois, nobody will help me escape this madness. I refuse to live on the streets again. I did that for 10 years. Then again, maybe it is better off, then to "live" like this. My only friend I have left (because he isolated all the others) has moved to CA, or she gladly would have let me stay with her. I do this blog so that if anything happens to me, I have proof of the abuse and suffering. It is like dying a slow death, being starved alive. This all stems from childhood issues he has....he told me that years ago, when he was a kid, his family starved him. They stole his food and/or wouldn't let him eat. Which is EXACTLY what he does to me.

Sorry for all who have sent messages and I have been very sick.
I appreciate all the kind thoughts and well wishes.
I was on track to get out of here, and I had a ceiling collapse on my head, severely injuring me. I am still not able to move my neck fully and am still dizzy to this day. This happened in february. I have been to numerous doctors and went to the hosptail right after also.
On top of that, I found out now I may be losing my vision slowly as a result of this. I have retinal detachment and have to go for tests soon to find out where exactly it has progressed to, and if they can do surgery if needed, or hope that over time, it will correct itself (not looking like that is an option).
This has spun me into many sleepness nights, as I now feel entirely trapped in this situation. As you can guess, the husband is no support at all during this, and doesn't care about my health, etc. Just wants me to work, work, work, like nothing is wrong. I believe I may be suffering from depression, and have spoken with my doctor and he is keeping this all under advisement, etc.
I just wanted everyone to know, I am as okay as I can be, given the circumstances at play.

I am going to go see the Pastor at my church for help. My husband, I believe, is insane, or worse. I know he is physically, mentally and emotionally abusing me. He doesn't let me eat. I am severely hypoglycemic with diabetes and am doctor-monitored and ordered to eat at least 6 mini-meals a day to maintain my sugar levels. I can't recall a day since he found out about this that I have been allowed to eat ONE meal a day, not to mention 6. I black out at least 5 times a day because of low sugar levels, (10 or 20) and I am afraid I simply do not even have the strength to fight much longer. The only way to survive, is to find shelter. Shelter where I can eat and feel safe. I left him once before but got assaulted and scared to live on my own, moved back with him. Since then, it has only gotten 100% worse. Attorneys out here want like $700.00/hour. The cheapest one I found is $600.00/hour. They want $3000.00 just for a retainer, or more. I make $8000.00 a year part-time so that is just simply impossible. I have a 2-week holiday break that I fear I may not live through-when I black out there is a risk of diabetic coma....each and every time. I have never felt so physically starved and hungry in my entire life. All I want for Christmas is a meal that will fill me up, without being screamed at for eating or without the food being taken away from me. The man has gotten so bad I quite literally cannot use the restroom without his blatant permission. Anyone who can help me I beg of you to give me some answers.....because no one around my area is willing to help me get out of here with my 2 toddlers daughters.

12/17/06.....another fun day. On Thursday, 12/14/06, I had a bad slip and fall and threw out my back and got a concussion. Today I ran to the grocery store for a few items. Went hungry, so I got more than I wanted. I called the hubby on the way home to come down and help me get the groceries (we live on a second floor with stairs only). He told me he WOULD NOT come and help me bring the stuff up. So I brought it myself, making my back hurt even worse on the 2-trip, tons of bags trips up the stairs. I told him any other man would help out and be understanding that I have a back injury ( my back was injured from a drunk driver to begin with, so this makes it about 100 times worse).
He hits our kids and threatens me if I tell him I will call the police with all the abuse. I HAVE to get out with the kids, no matter how hard it will be. He barely works so I have to pay all the bills so I can't financially leave him and I admit I am trapped as a result. He doesn't let me eat and now I have diabetes, a heart arryhmia and multiple other problems as a result. I will update regularly. I need advice to get out!